


Sacrifices

by AtowncalledMalec



Series: Shadowhunter One Shots [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Angst, Canon Compliant, Communication, Confrontations, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Heavy Angst, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Simon is an idiot but he means well, Spoilers, Using 3x19 spoilers, make ups, set after 3x18, with some wishful thinking thrown in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 15:43:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18524575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtowncalledMalec/pseuds/AtowncalledMalec
Summary: Set after 3x18.Magnus struggles in the aftermath of Alec's break up. With too many memories weighing him down, he can see only one solution. That solution, however, doesn't exactly go according to plan. Instead, some truths come out when an unexpected, and unwelcome, visitor shows up. When sacrifices are revealed, in the guise of a bargain, Magnus can only be thankful that his ill-fated solution went awry.





	Sacrifices

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write this. I'm so heartbroken over the last episode that I needed to fix it. This might not be how it happens but it's how I've written it. Of course, I can't bear to see Magnus in pain but we can live in hope that his request is denied.
> 
> This kind of got away from me. But don't all my fic's?
> 
> Also, if you haven't seen them and don't want to, this contains major 3x19 spoilers. And please don't @ me for Simon's mistake, he means well. Even if he gets it wrong.

Magnus Bane wandered across the Williamsburg Bridge in a daze, unsure of how he had even gotten there. Or what he was doing there. The pain that had wracked his entire body since the moment that Alec had walked out of the store and out of his life was the only thing that he had been able to focus on.

 

_ He hadn’t even been able to look me in the eye as he ripped my heart out,  _ Magnus thought, wiping his tears away with one shaking hand. The words,  _ “I can’t”  _ paraded through his head, again and again, a stab to his gut every time he heard them.

 

Magnus had wandered out of Maryse’s store, in Lower Manhattan, his head, swirling with confusion, that hadn’t let up since. Barely able to comprehend what had just happened, he had let his feet direct his path, no destination in mind. Just the need to walk, the need not to collapse. Maybe he would have collapsed then, if not for the steel-like grip on his wrist. 

 

Blinking his tears away, Magnus looked up into a pair of worried brown eyes. The pity, and empathy that he saw there crashed through him, forcing a choked sob past the lump in his throat.

 

“This isn’t the answer, Magnus, and you know it,” Simon said, not daring to break the grip that he had on Magnus’ wrist. Confusion swirled in Magnus’ eyes, the expression on his face uncomprehending but he pulled Magnus away from the fenced railing, a railing that it would have been all too easy to climb if Magnus was desperate enough, anyway.

 

There had been very few times when Simon had actually been thankful for being turned but right now was one of them. Using the strength that had been gifted him, he dragged Magnus close, the conversation that they had once had about Camille being Magnus’ rock running through his head.

 

Magnus wasn’t sure what Simon was talking about. The answer to what? All he knew was that he wouldn't be able to stand up much longer. Pity about his new vow not to drink, he could certainly do with one right now.

 

“Izzy told me what happened,” Simon said quietly when Magnus sagged against him, his arms coming around Magnus’ shoulders. Magnus didn't even seem to hear him.

 

Simon and Izzy had been in the Op’s centre at the Institute when Alec had stumbled in. The expression on Alec’s face, before the Shadowhunter had shut it down, was something that Simon had never thought he would ever see there, total and utter desolation. 

 

Alec had said the words,  _ “it’s done”  _ and with that, had walked away, shoulders slumped, head bowed, body shaking. A brief whispered explanation was all that Izzy had managed to mutter to Simon before she had left to talk to Alec. 

 

Simon had used every bit of speed that he possessed to get to Maryse’s store, knowing that Magnus was supposed to be there, only to find it empty. That was when he had remembered the conversation that he had had with Magnus about Magnus’ lowest point in his life. The nearest bridge hadn’t been too much of a stretch of the imagination.

 

“Come on, let’s get you home,” Simon said quietly to Magnus, once again using his superior strength to turn Magnus in the direction of his apartment.

 

“Home?” Magnus whispered, the sound hollow, realising that he had been heading for the loft all along. The loft that didn’t belong to him any more. “I don’t have a home, not anymore. I don’t have anything,” he said, letting Simon guide him.

 

“I meant my apartment,” Simon said, treading the familiar path. He didn’t know what was worse, the soft sniffles or the utter silence, the entire trip. 

 

Simon sat Magnus down on his sofa when they reached his apartment, worried when Magnus still didn’t say a word. Hoping that Magnus wasn't going into shock, he hurried to find a blanket, wondering if he should try and make Magnus talk. The silence was unnerving. If Becky was there, she would know how to handle the situation.

 

_ Unfortunately, he is stuck with me, _ Simon thought. Pulling a spare blanket out of the linen closet in his room, he walked back out into the living room to find that Magnus had fallen asleep, obviously exhausted. Probably emotionally exhausted more than physically. 

 

Simon tugged Magnus’ legs up and lay him down. He spread the blanket over Magnus’ prone form, his stomach flopping from how small and broken Magnus looked. Deciding to let Magnus sleep it off, he turned for his bedroom, pulling his phone out to let Izzy know that he had found Magnus. They could talk it through in the morning.

 

**

 

Magnus woke to the bright sunlight that poured through the windows, thinking that that was what had woken him. It took him a moment of complete and utter incomprehension to realise what had actually pulled him from the nightmare that had descended.

 

Power. Raw, visceral, tangible power. It flooded Magnus, surrounded him, poured into the yawning gap that he had lived with since his return from Edom. The emptiness that had been his constant companion for days, weeks, years, decades, it had felt like, was filled. Just like that. No warning, no preparation, just power.

 

A choked, sobbing gasp spilt from Magnus’ mouth as the magic crackled across his skin, his breathing turning erratic. It was almost too much, after living without it for so long. So long had been nought but the blink of an eye to an immortal. But he wasn’t an immortal, not anymore. Except that the magic that thrummed through him told him he was wrong. 

 

Before Magnus even had time to process what it even meant, the sound of pounding broke through the shock that had taken root in him. Looking around, he didn’t even realise where he was until the memories of the night before flooded back. Reaching out when his eyes landed on a piece of paper, laying on the coffee table in front of him, he picked it up and read;

 

**_Just gone to the bodega to get coffee and lunch._ **

**_I don’t keep food in the apartment anymore._ **

**_Not since, well, you know._ **

**_But I thought you might be hungry when you wake up._ **

**_I’ll be back soon._ **

**_Don’t go anywhere._ **

 

**_Simon. ~~xo~~_ **

**_xo_ **

 

_ Simon’s, I’m at Simon’s place. He brought me here, after… Alexander left... _

 

Shutting the thought down, even as it ripped the completely separate yawning hole in his stomach a little wider, Magnus hesitantly waved his hand in the direction of the front door. Staring when the door opened at his magical touch. To reveal Maryse Lightwood.

 

“How could you?” Maryse yelled, the second that the door was open, marching into Simon’s apartment with barely a glance around. “How could you even consider doing something like that?” she yelled, striding over to Magnus and yanking him up by the shoulders of his jacket.  

 

Magnus stared for a full five seconds, wondering if Maryse was going to hit him before her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck. Unsure of what was the bigger shock, the return of his magic or the hug from the woman that he had once considered the enemy, then family, then… he didn’t know what to consider her now. All he knew was that he was clinging to Maryse for dear life. Even if he didn’t have a clue what she was shouting about.

 

“Don’t you ever do that again, Magnus Bane,” Maryse said through the lump in her throat, holding Magnus tighter to her when she could feel him safe in her arms. “Despite what you think, you have people who care about you, never forget that,” she whispered, pulling back to look up into Magnus’ eyes.

 

“Do I?” Magnus asked, wondering what it was he was supposed to have done, searching Maryse’s eyes for the answer. “I thought I did. I thought Alec cared about me, that he loved me enough to look past what an utter failure I had become. Right up until he left me. He is the one who did it, not me. So go and yell at him,” he said, his voice cracking.

 

No matter how many others had left, or what their excuses had been, Alexander’s exit from his life had been the worst in almost four centuries. He had thought that Alec was different, that they had something stronger, had  _ known _ that they did. Maybe it hurt more because Alec had been the only one to leave him because he  _ didn’t _ have magic, rather than because he did. Or maybe it was because he had thought he had found the lasting kind of love that he had spent so long searching for, with Alec.

 

Just the thought of losing that made Magnus want to scrape every memory that he had from his head. Every kiss, every touch, each and every whispered promise, he wanted it all gone. It was too much to bear, dragging him down, pulling him under the surface of his misery, making him gasp for air.

 

“He does care, he loves you, more than anything else in the world,” Maryse said, her heart breaking when Magnus recoiled, as though she had slapped him.

 

“He has a funny way of showing it. He left me, told me that he couldn’t be with me anymore,” Magnus said, unable to stop his voice from rising. All he could see was Alec’s face, a split second before he had walked out. The ghost of those last few desperate kisses. Kisses that Alec had barely responded to, still stung his lips.

 

“He loves you, Magnus, I know he does. Nephilim love once, only once, there could never be another for him after you. If he left you, it was for a reason,” Maryse said. 

 

Maryse didn’t know what that reason was. Alec had refused to tell her when Izzy had called her to the Institute and explained that they had broken up, that Simon had found Magnus on the edge of the Williamsburg bridge. It was clear that Izzy knew part, if not all of the reason why Alec had ended it, even if Izzy had refused to say a word.

 

Alec had simply handed Maryse the Lightwood ring back, said that it was over and closed the door on her and Izzy. Alec didn’t even know what Magnus had almost done, too angry with Izzy for calling her and refusing to listen to either of them. Izzy had stayed to try and talk some sense into Alec and she had come to find out what had happened from Magnus. They had been through too much together for her to let them tear themselves apart.

 

“Oh, he had a reason alright, he doesn’t love me anymore,” Magnus said, fighting the urge to lash out with his newly regained powers. “They always say that they love me until it comes down to the actual loving part. And then they leave when times are hard. I thought he was different. I love him so much that it physically hurts. If he loves me the way you say he does, how could he just end it like that? So easily?” he asked, tears once more spilling over.

 

“You think that it was easy for him to just walk away?” Maryse asked, staring up at Magnus, seeing the same pain in his eyes that she had seen in Alec’s a couple of hours ago. Her son might have acted like it was over, as though it was what he wanted but Alec hadn’t been able to hide the pain in his eyes, in the set of his slumped shoulders. Nor had he been able to hide the hitch of his chest or the crack of his voice when he had handed the ring back. 

 

“Maybe you should talk to him, ask him just how easy it was to walk away from the only future that he has ever wanted,” Maryse said, taking a step back when Magnus let out a frustrated growl. It was clear that Magnus wanted her to leave. 

 

“Maybe you should ask him about this,” Maryse said, taking the ring box out of her purse and setting it down on the kitchen counter when she reached it before turning and walking out of the door with one last look over her shoulder. The slump of Magnus’ entire body, spine curved, eyes closed, filled her with determination. If Alec wouldn’t talk to her this time, she would make him.

 

Magnus slumped down onto the couch when he heard the door close, too hurt to open his eyes. The memories of what they’d had and the possibilities of a future that was now denied him crowded in his head, each thought and image fighting for ground. He lost control, his magic coalescing on his hands, breaking free from his body.

 

_ I just need it to stop! I need these memories gone,  _ Magnus’ head snarled at him, driving his desperation. Wrapping his hands around his head, desperate for just one minute to think clearly, he directed his magic inward, trying to peel the memories away, doing anything he could think of to be left in peace.

 

Only, his magic betrayed him. Try as he might, Magnus couldn’t get rid of them, couldn’t pry the memories away. They clung to him, the same way that he had clung to hope as he had begged Alec to stay with him. 

 

The sound of a key, turning in a lock broke through to Magnus. Without even thinking, the action still second nature to him, even after he had lived without magic, he opened a portal and dived through it. The night before, he had been unable to pull his mask on and pretend that he was okay. And the pity that he had seen in Simon’s eyes was not something that he was ready to see again.

 

Stumbling out onto the sidewalk, having not really had a destination in mind, Magnus looked up, just in time to be crushed with realisation. The sign in front of him would look like flowers from a distance. This close up, he took it for what it really was. His stomach lurched when he stepped forward, automatically reaching out, his fingers brushing over cold metal. He didn’t even need to search to find it.

 

The padlock that Alec had placed there, the words that he himself had magically inscribed,  _ Aku Cinta Kamu _ , locked onto a sign about love. Another promise that was now broken.  _ I love you.  _ Was there no escape? 

 

Desperation to forget pushed Magnus to commit a desperate act. Snapping his fingers, still trying to process that he was able to do it, on top of everything else, Magnus produced a piece of paper and scribbled a desperate plea onto it before he sent the fire message to someone who might understand.

 

**

 

Magnus turned on the spot when he felt a presence behind him, one that was familiar and as close to comfort as he was going to get until it was over with. Looking up when he turned away from the river and put his back to the railings, he met Jem’s calming, curious gaze. 

 

“I need you to erase all of my memories of Alec,” Magnus said without preamble, just wanting them gone.

 

_ Why?  _

 

Jem asked, in his silent way, his brow furrowed, taking in the pain and desperation stamped all over Magnus’ face. 

 

“Because it hurts too much,” Magnus said, fighting the lump in his throat to get the words out. “Because Alec left me and it is too much to take this time. I can’t put him in a box. I can’t breathe with him in here,” he said, scrubbing at his temples, almost yanking his hair out.

 

_ I can’t. _

 

“What do you mean, you can’t?” Magnus asked, his head snapping up to meet Jem’s gaze once more.

 

_ Your memories make you the person you are, Magnus. You can no more erase them than you could chop off your hand. Memories are what shapes us, they teach us lessons that let us grow. Without them, we become stagnant. Especially if you are immortal.  _

 

“Immortal? How did you…?” Magnus trailed off, following Jem’s gaze down to his hands to see the red sparks emanating from them.

 

_ Your magic is strong. Even my brothers would be able to see that you have it, and your immortality, back. I’m sorry Magnus but I can’t help you. You cannot forget what Alec means to you. It wouldn’t be fair to you or him. _

 

“Fair? Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t take the chance to get rid of your memories if someone gave you the chance. You know what it is like to lose somebody that you love so much,” Magnus said, hitting below the belt out of anger. “What is fair about enduring the most painful memories when we lose the ones that we love? We are already forced to try and move past them when they leave us through no choice of their own. How is any of this fair?”

 

_ I would not give up those memories, not for anything. I would not know how to love again if I could not remember what it felt like the first time. I wouldn’t know how to love or how to move on when that love is taken away. You know that. You know that you can not erase those memories, Magnus. _

 

Magnus was reminded strongly of the words that he had said to Lilith when she had come to him, asking for a potion to make her lover forget her, the potion that had set the events into motion that had led to him losing his powers in the first place.

 

The fact that Jem was right did nothing to make Magnus feel better. He didn’t want Jem to be right. He didn’t want to remember the words that he had spoken to Lilith, about how important memories were. He didn’t want to remember at all. 

 

“I’m sorry, about what I said, for bringing old hurts up. I’m sorry that I have wasted your time,” Magnus said, turning away from Jem and opening a portal. The space inside him, that held Alec and all that they could have had, opened just that bit wider. Stepping through the portal, he aimed it for Simon’s apartment, not having anywhere else to go.

 

And just like that, Magnus’ day got infinitely worse. One inhalation of breath was all it took for him to want to make a u-turn and get lost in the portal that he had just stepped out of.

 

“What do you want, Asmodeus?” Magnus asked, not even needing to open his eyes to know that his father was there. If the scent of misery and Edom hadn’t allerted him, the sensation of his father’s magic, brushing against his own, would have. But open his eyes he did, to find his father sitting on Simon’s couch, looking completely out of place against the backdrop of Simon’s belongings and more at home than he had any right to. 

 

“My son, how I’ve missed you. Is that any way to greet your father?” Asmodeus asked, spreading his arms wide and fixing his face when Magnus looked at him with reservation and anger, blazing in his brown eyes.

 

“What are you doing here? Better yet, how did you get here?” Magnus asked, ignoring Asmodeus’ gesture to the couch next to him. Taking that seat would have been akin to climbing into a lion’s jaws. Not something that he would do willingly.

 

“I come all of this way, bring you the gift of your magic and you refuse to even sit with your father?” Asmodeus asked, shaking his head solemnly when Magnus crossed his arms and gave him a pointed look. “Fine, I obviously came to be with you in your time of need. Isn’t that what any loving father would do?” he sighed.

 

“I don’t need your idea of love,” Magnus said, waiting for the catch and completely missing what his father had actually said. 

 

“Of course you do. You will always need me, Magnus. I am the only one who has ever truly cared for you,” Asmodeus said, weaving his words around Magnus like a comforting, familiar blanket. “Everybody needs love, my boy,” he said. 

 

“Love does nothing but hurt. What good does love do if it leaves you hollow?” Magnus asked, starting to pace in front of the coffee table out of agitation.

 

“Didn’t I tell you? Didn’t I warn you that this would happen?” Asmodeus asked, his voice pitched low, sinuously curling through the space that separated them. “Mortals are fickle. Their love is but a drop in the ocean of our immortality. It is like the flame of a candle, easily blown out with the smallest of breaths. A father’s love, however, is like an inferno. It can warm you far more effectively than that of a candle.”

 

“And just like an inferno, it has the power to destroy,” Magnus said, the words that his father spoke trying to burrow their way into his heart. Funnily enough, it was Alec’s face that floated in front of his eyes just then, no matter how much he wished it wasn’t so. Alec’s voice, loud in his ear, whispered of love. 

 

“His love would have destroyed you, Magnus. Look at what you gave up for him, your power, your immortality. And how did he repay you? He broke you, broke your heart. He left you, after all of those promises that he made. If you had listened to me, you wouldn’t have had to go through any of this. You could have joined me and saved yourself the despair.

 

“But all is not lost, Magnus. You can leave his fickle love behind and take your rightful place, by my side. There is no need to fear that I would leave you, my love cannot be extinguished. I am the only one who will always be there for you. Join me, as you should have before,” Asmodeus said, softly, his eyes glowing as he made his promises.

 

Magnus’ eyes snapped to his father’s face, his stomach lurching when the words that Asmodeus had spoken finally broke through the web of despair that had surrounded him, suffocating him, the feeling almost as intoxicating as the words themselves. Had he not heard those words before? 

 

“How did you get here, Asmodeus?” Magnus asked, taking a step back from the outstretched arm of his father, then another when Asmodeus’ eyes narrowed, and another when Asmodeus stood up.

 

“What does it matter?” Asmodeus asked sharply, having to clear his throat to speak again when he almost lost control of himself. “I am here for you, to comfort you. I brought your magic back to you, where it belongs,” he said, his voice once again silky and comforting.

 

“Your timing is awfully convenient,” Magnus said, his voice low as he glanced around the apartment, unease blossoming in his stomach. “Where is Simon?” he asked, realising that he hadn’t even noticed his friend’s absence. 

 

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about. This apartment was empty when I arrived,” Asmodeus said with a shrug. 

 

“Convenient,” Magnus repeated, his brain going into overdrive at the subtle change in his father’s demeanour. It would barely have been discernible to somebody who didn’t know Asmodeus as well as he did. “Why now?” he asked, his eyebrow quirking up when he didn’t receive an answer.

 

“You just happened to show up here when I need you the most?” Magnus asked, taking another step back when his father tensed up. “You just happened to return my magic to me, the morning after I lost everything that means the most in the world to me? Why now when you could have given it back any time since I gave it up?” he asked.

 

“You need your magic, I see that now,” Asmodeus said, his composure slipping further, the deeper Magnus’ suspicion ran. “I will always be here for you in your greatest time of need. I’m the only one that you can rely on. You knew that he would leave you, that he would break his promises to you. His weak, mortal promises.”

 

“How did you know? That he broke his promises?” Magnus asked, shaking his head when Asmodeus took a step forward. “How did you even know that he had left me?”

 

“It is a father’s job to know these things,” Asmodeus hissed. “I told you that he would leave you but you didn’t listen to me. And now look what has happened…”

 

“Yes, he did leave me, last night. And a few hours later, I suddenly, miraculously have my magic back. I suddenly have the promises that I will never have to be lonely again,” Magnus said, replaying the events of the previous night, no matter how painful it was. 

 

_ “Without your magic, you can never be happy.” _

 

That was exactly what Magnus had said to Alec, that he couldn’t be happy without it, Magnus realised. 

 

_ “You said, there’s nothing I can do to make it better.” _

 

Except, there was something that Alec  _ could _ have done to fix it. After all, he wouldn’t be Alec if he didn’t blow up the very ground he stood on, to make something right. And wasn’t that just like Alec? Thinking that he needed to be the one to fix things? Hadn’t Alec once told him that he was Alec’s responsibility?

_ “What am I supposed to do? Just stand by and watch you suffer for the rest of our lives?” _

 

Alec would never watch him suffer if he thought there was a way to fix things, it wasn’t even in the Shadowhunter’s vocabulary. Even if he had gotten it monumentally wrong. 

_ “Days ago I didn’t know that the spark inside you- the one I fell in love with- was out for good.” _

 

Alec had barely been able to look him in the eye. Alec had told him, in the Institute’s infirmary that the magic didn’t matter to him, that Alec loved him for who he was, not the magic. 

 

And when Magnus had asked Alec to stay with him?

 

_ “I can’t.” _

 

Not,  _ I don’t want to _ , not  _ I don’t love you anymore _ . I can’t. How many times had Alec promised that he wasn’t going anywhere? How many times had Alec said that he couldn’t live without him? Alec had said that he couldn’t stay with him. Almost as if Alec wasn’t allowed.

 

Magnus’ head snapped up, his eyes boring into his father’s. Hadn’t he said it himself last night? That Alec wasn’t that selfish, that it wasn’t like Alec to say those things. Because it wasn’t. But it was just like Asmodeus. 

 

And it was just like his father to turn up when Magnus was at rock bottom, when he thought he had nothing, when hope was nought but a distant memory.

 

“You did this, didn’t you?” Magnus asked, his voice flat, his glamour falling away. Anger, far stronger than anything that he had felt since Alec had walked out of Maryse’s store, crashed through him in waves.  _ Maryse’s store.  _ His eyes flicked to the right, seeing the small round object that Maryse had left.

 

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Asmodeus said stiffly, watching Magnus move towards the kitchen and pick something up. “I am simply here to offer comfort to my son in his hour of need.”

 

Magnus picked up the small metal ball, puzzled about what it could be. Why would Maryse tell him to ask Alec about it? On closer inspection, he realised that it was in fact, not a ball, but a… feeling the hinge under the tip of his finger and seeing the seam, he pulled at the top half, his stomach dropping through the floor when he saw what lay inside.

 

It was a ring. Not just any ring, Magnus realised when his finger brushed over the ‘L’. This was the Lightwood ring. The ring that a Shadowhunter would give to their beloved as a promise that one could wear, a promise for unending love, true devotion. Just like a padlock. Maybe a Shadowhunter would do that during a fancy dinner, with fancy candles and a nice suit. 

 

“What did you say to him? What did you promise him that would make him forget about this?” Magnus asked, spinning to see Asmodeus watch his every move, showing the ring to his father. “Let me guess, you played on his fears, you made him think that this was the only option, threatened him. All of the above?” he asked, his eyes narrowing when his father looked away.

 

“You are unbelievable. You come here, claiming to love me, promising that you would be here for me, that I could rely on you. Trust you. Knowing that the entire situation was your fault,” Magnus yelled, beyond fury. “What was the deal?” he asked.

 

“Does it matter? I did this for you. He left you so easily, after he promised that he wouldn't, as though you were of no consequence to him,” Asmodeus bellowed, his chest rising and falling as he put his power into his words. Magnus didn’t even flinch.

 

“You did this for you, just like you always do. Don’t pretend that your concern was for me,” Magnus scoffed, not buying it for a minute. “What was the deal? You might as well tell me because I can just as easily ask him.”

 

“The deal would be forfeit if you ask him, that is part of it. You were never to find out that there was a deal in the first place,” Asmodeus smirked. 

 

“He didn’t tell me, you just did,” Magnus said, watching the smug smirk slide from his father’s face to be replaced with fury. “What else?” he asked, pacing once more, too angry to stand still. The anger spiked up another notch when Asmodeus refused to answer. 

 

“Let me guess, if he left me to your tender mercies, I get my magic back?” Magnus asked when he didn’t receive an answer. “That he had to make it look like he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and that if he ever told me, the deal was forfeit? Did you also tell him that I have to give my magic up to you willingly? That you can’t just take it back once it is returned?” he asked, watching his father’s face pale.  _ Of course, he hadn’t. _

 

“That was not the deal. He was to break your heart, to…” Asmodeus stopped, cutting himself off before his anger got the best of him. 

 

“The deal is off, I am breaking it,” Magnus said, his hands flicking out faster than Asmodeus could track. Summoning a tub of salt from one of the kitchen cupboards, he scattered it around Asmodeus, a snap of his fingers arranging it into a pentagram.

 

“You can’t do that, it is not your deal to break,” Asmodeus hissed, his magic building in the palm of his hand. The front door, being smashed off of its hinges gave him the perfect opportunity to let loose. Raising his hand, he sent it forth, aiming for Alec when he burst through the door. And was summarily blasted off of his feet when it rebounded against an invisible barrier. The pentagram.

 

Magnus spun to see Alec coming through the door, anger etched into the lines of his face. The expression had his eyes narrowing. If anyone was going to be angry, it was him, not Alec. Raising a hand to silence Alec, he turned back to his father. 

 

“You are right, it is not my deal to break. It is yours. Alexander kept his side of the bargain. You, however, broke the agreement. The agreement was that I was never to find out. Since you told me, the agreement is null and void. Don’t ever show your face topside again, Asmodeus,” Magnus snarled at the sprawled form of his father before banishing him. Not for the first time.

 

Magnus turned to find Alec, Izzy and Maryse watching him from the doorway. Raising an eyebrow at Alec, he waited for an explanation, his arms folded across his chest.

 

“You tried to kill yourself?” Alec asked, his voice rising as anger flooded him once more, putting aside the fact that Magnus had just banished his father back to Edom. With his magic. “You were supposed to get your magic back and be happy!” he said.

 

“What?” Magnus asked, staring at Alec. “I didn’t try to kill myself. What are you talking about?” he asked, seeing the real panic in Alec’s eyes, the erratic rise and fall of Alec’s chest, the way Alec took a shuffling step toward him.

 

“But Simon said… he said that you… on the Williamsburg Bridge…” Alec said, looking around for the vampire. The thought of Magnus ending his life had been the only thing that could have pushed through his vow to stay away, to let Magnus move on with his magic. His eyes narrowed when Simon’s head poked out from behind the island, in the middle of the kitchen.

 

“Ugh, I kind of got magically trapped and shoved behind here by Asmodeus when the dude portalled in here. I think his hold broke when he was banished. This seems like a private conversation so I’ll just…” Simon quickly stood and scooted toward the door when everyone stared at him. So maybe he had gotten it wrong. But it really wouldn’t have taken much for Magnus to make that climb and Magnus had looked wrecked enough to consider it.

 

“Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through?” Alec breathed in Simon’s direction before he turned to look at his mother and sister. They had been the ones who had told him what Simon had said. 

 

The fear that Alec had felt when Magnus had almost died because of the soul sword was nothing compared to what he had felt when Izzy and his mom had told him what Magnus had almost done. Even if that was Simon’s stupid mistake. That mistake had him turning on Simon.

 

“You made me think that Magnus had…” Alec stopped, unable to say the words, even if Magnus was standing safely in front of him. “He was supposed to get his magic back and be happy, then I find out...” he trailed off when Magnus raised his voice, shouting over him.

 

“Magic is not the answer to my happiness, Alexander,” Magnus said, his voice rising just as loud as Alec’s. Those were some words that he had never thought he would utter. Taking a step forward, he got closer with every word, ignoring Izzy, Simon and Maryse when they backed out into the hallway, Maryse closing the door behind them. Much to Izzy’s disappointment it seemed. “Why are you so stubborn? Why do you think that you always have to save me, even from myself? It is not your place to decide for me! It wasn’t up to you to get my magic back, to sacrifice...”

 

“You would have done the same for me,” Alec said, cutting Magnus off and taking a step forward when Magnus stopped, his eyebrows rising with his anger. “If it was me. If I had lost my runes because of something you did, you would go to Edom and back, do anything within your power, to get them back for me. You lost your magic because of me, because of a sacrifice that you made for me. It was my turn…”

 

“It is not about turns. It isn’t about who made sacrifices for the other. We are supposed to be equals, partners. Isn’t that what this is supposed to mean?” Magnus asked, waving the Lightwood ring in Alec’s face. 

 

“How did you get that?” Alec asked, his voice barely more than a whisper as his eyes flicked from the ring to Magnus’ face, searching it. 

 

“It doesn’t matter how I got it. Do you even know what one of the most important parts of a marriage is? Communication. All you had to do was talk to me,” Magnus said, his anger flaring once more. “Instead, you went behind my back, to my father, and made a deal that I never asked for. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself for me!”

 

“Of course I did, it was my fault,” Alec said, his voice breaking as he scrubbed a shaky hand over his face. “You sacrificed your magic for  _ me _ . I couldn’t fix it, I couldn’t make you happy. Your magic is what makes you happy. Do you think I care about what it would do to me? You were so broken, Magnus. So lost without it,” he said, the words trailing to a whisper. 

 

“I was lost without you!” Magnus said, his hands clenching as the pain once again flared up. “Do you think that I spent the last sixteen hours praying for my magic back? No, I spent every single second, since you walked away from me, praying that it had all been a mistake. That you would turn around and tell me that it was all a lie. Even in my sleep, I couldn’t escape it!”

 

“Magnus, I…”

 

“No, Alexander. Don’t you get it? You said that you saw me, not this…” Magnus said, swirling his hand, his magic licking over his clenched fist. “... you are the only one who ever said that to me. And I believed you. Do you know what it feels like to be truly seen when you have to put on a mask for the rest of the world? Or what it feels like to love and lose the person who sees you that way?” he asked, his voice softening when he saw Alec blink furiously, a telltale giveaway of Alec’s emotions, one that very few people ever got to see.

 

“Yes, because of you. I was only ever seen by you,” Alec said quietly. Magnus was the only one who ever looked close enough to truly see the most basic parts of him. “But I, didn’t know what else to do. You were slipping, Magnus. You were sliding away from me, from yourself and I couldn’t bear to watch it. I’m sorry, I know that I shouldn’t have I just… I needed to stop you from hurting,” he said, his hand reaching out reflexively. Magnus was so close.

 

“This hurts me more,” Magnus said with a shake of his head. The words weren’t said to hurt Alec, but to make him see what the Shadowhunter meant to him. “You said to me, last night, that you couldn’t stay because my spark had gone out. I thought that you didn’t want me anymore because I had lost my magic. It was like all of those words in the Institute’s infirmary had been a lie.”

 

“I wasn’t talking about your magic. I was talking about you. You were so miserable without it. It was like the spark that made you shine was gone, lost forever. And you associated so much of yourself with your magic, you thought that it was what made you, who you are,” Alec said, taking a deep breath, breathing Magnus in. “I thought that if you regained your magic, that yes, it would hurt but that you would be able to get past it, that you could move on. Even if it took a little bit of time. You could be happy again, as your whole self.”

 

“I faced a whole future with you, Alexander. And then, I faced one without you. How could I move on from that?” Magnus asked, searching Alec’s eyes, unable to see why Alec thought so little of himself or the importance of his role in his life. Realising what he had lost had put all of his losses in perspective. Even if he had never thought it possible, losing Alec was a thousand times worse than the rest of it.

 

“I thought that this was what you wanted. You have moved on in the past…” Alec said, his voice catching as he once again thought of some part of himself in Magnus’ box, relegated to Magnus’ past. He didn’t want to be just another memory that Magnus thought back on. “I thought you would be happy with your magic back. Or happier at least.”

 

“I am. I’m happy that it is back and I can understand why you did it,” Magnus said, raising his hand to cup Alec’s jaw. If he was being truthful with himself, he would have done everything in his power to get Alec’s runes back if Alec had sacrificed them for him. “But in the future, you have to talk to me, communicate. You can’t just go and make deals with greater demons behind my back. That isn’t what being a team is about,” he said, shaking his head.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that I didn’t talk to you, that I took your choice away… in the future?” Alec asked, Magnus’ words breaking through to him. The move was instinctive when he raised his hands and gripped Magnus’ waist, his fingers curling into the material of Magnus’ jacket. “But… but…”

 

“As reckless as your deal with Asmodeus was, I know that it wasn’t selfish… now. I know that you did it for me, even if it was wrong,” Magnus said, his eyebrow quirking up. “A couple of days ago, you planned a dinner for us. A rather special one, if I’m not mistaken,” he said, holding the metal ring box up.

 

“You aren’t telling me that you don’t want a future with me, are you, Alexander?” Magnus asked sceptically.

 

“But I made a deal with Asmodeus, that I would break up with you,” Alec said, his stomach clenching. “Doesn’t that mean that we can’t be together?” he asked, putting aside his surprise that Magnus even still wanted to be with him.

 

“You did break up with me, I remember it vividly,” Magnus said, letting just the right amount of sarcasm seep into his tone.  _ Which reminds me, I really should thank Jem.  _

 

“But won’t Asmodeus take your magic back if we… you know?” Alec asked, thoroughly confused. “We haven’t gone through all of this just for you to lose it again. It would kill me to lose you, truly lose you. But if there is a chance for you to be happy then I want you to…”

 

“Asmodeus can’t take my magic, I have to give it to him. If that was the case, he probably would have taken it centuries ago, before I banished him the first time,” Magnus cut Alec off, his exasperation clear. If Alec had come to him, he could have told him that.

 

“That mother… bring him back so I can strangle him!” Alec almost yelled, furious that Asmodeus had tricked him, that he had almost lost the love of his life because Asmodeus was a sneaky, conniving bastard. Magnus had told him time and time again what Asmodeus was like but that wasn’t the point. 

 

“And you still want to be with me, even after what I did… what I said?” Alec asked when he realised that there was nothing keeping them apart. As long as Magnus still wanted him. Because he sure as hell wanted Magnus. The last hours had been the worst of his life.  

 

“Stop talking,” Magnus said, his hand tightening on Alec’s jaw, pulling him close. Leaning forward the last inch, he pressed his lips to Alec’s, a shaky breath escaping when Alec responded. He had gone far too long without the feel of them against his own.

 

Alec’s own grip tightened, pulling Magnus flush to his body, by the handfuls of Magnus’ jacket he had. Flicking his tongue across Magnus’ bottom lip, he deepened the kiss when Magnus opened up, not foolish enough to squander this kiss the way he had the night before.

 

**

 

“What are they doing?” Maryse asked in a loud whisper, seriously considering elbowing Izzy away from the keyhole to see for herself.

 

“They are kissing,” Simon said, just about managing not to elbow Maryse in his excitement. The arched eyebrow that she aimed at him had him tapping his ear, he could hear everything.

 

“That’s not kissing, that’s foreplay,” Izzy muttered under her breath, pulling back from the keyhole. 

 

“Now Magnus is telling Alec that he wants another dinner,” Simon informed Maryse when Izzy refused to let her mom near the keyhole. “Alec just said that Magnus can have all of the dinner’s he wants. And now they’re… 

 

“Anyone want to go grab a coffee?” Simon asked when he heard the sounds of clothes hitting the floor and… his bedroom door! He would recognise that squeak anywhere. 

 

“But what if Alec is proposing right now?” Maryse asked when Izzy swiftly stood up and took hold of her arm, Simon gripping the other, both of them steering her away from the door. 

 

“Alec is proposing something alright,” Simon muttered, catching Izzy’s eye with a grin as they led Maryse to the stairwell. It sounded like Magnus and Alec needed a little privacy.

**Author's Note:**

> Some odd Twilight vibes at the end there. They were totally unintentional though.


End file.
